The Incredible Hulk Vs Dracula's Ghost
by M.J. Kromes
Summary: Who will come out on top in this clash of titans? This Thrilling tale of outcasts and shocking violence is sure to shock and thrill you.


**The Incredible Hulk vs. Dracula's Ghost**

By M.J. Kromes

It was a sunny day in Appalachia and all the rednecks were singing cheerful racist songs. Bruce Banner was disgusted by their stupid backwards ways but here was a perfect hiding place. Hidden in the back woods of Kentucky only worthless hill jacks were in danger of his titanic anger fucking. No more would the innocent suffer, their bung-holes ravaged into total destruction and beyond somehow. It was too much for the quiet scientist to deal with and he'd fled the armies to a remote crap shack once owned by his uncle. Unknown to Bruce Banner, this uncle was also Dracula.

Bruce was at work trying to cure his monstrous condition.

"If only I weren't so intent on raping everyone" he thought to himself. He closed his research program and opened chat with a mysterious stranger he'd been chatting with. The person on the other end was an expert on gene analysis and also claimed to be a sexy nurse. Bruce was trying to glean information on a new form of radiation, but M as the mystery sex nurse was called insisted on talking about her breasts and Bruce got a distraction boner. He vaguely elbowed his boner so as to avoid arousal, because they wouldn't like him when horny. Not at all. "Cut that out and tell me about the plans!" he typed

"Ooo subscribe to my web-cam show honey", she replied

"NOOOOOO!" Bruce was very angered and started to hulk out.

Firstly, he picked up his monitor and hurled it through the roof of the crap shack, shattering both items to pieces. His skin turned green, not any shade of green the Marvel comic hulk ever turned but a different shade altogether and only his dick grew larger.

"Nooo and I needed to buy groceries that's not gonna' happen now!" yelled Bruce as his dick burst his pants. Next, he bounced on his dick like the mighty green pogo-stick that it was now and flew seven miles into the sky. He flew, like the complete opposite of a majestic eagle, and landed his dick head deep in a puddle of mud. The sex crazed Hulk was furious that his cock bounce was interrupted by this impertinent puddle, but then it began to give him strange feelings. This puddle would not judge him. Hulk fury fucked the puddle, he did it quickly and screaming. That was the only way with him. He fucked most of the water out of the puddle and was basically pounding his wanger into the bare dirt after a few moments. Hulk of course didn't care and would have fucked the dirt all day if a shotgun blast didn't suddenly blast him.

"Get off my property" said a nearby hill jack. He brandished a shotgun and looked disturbed.

"Hulk fuck you good!" screamed the Hulk, rising from the dirt.

"Oh my lord" said the hill jack, mesmerized by the massive size of Hulks genitals as they unsheathed from the earths clay.

"Hulk fuck you good!" repeated the Hulk

It was very true. The hill jack fired his remaining shell, but it only made the Hulk hornier. The Hulk used his rape strength to pull the man's clothes off in one motion and lift him into the air, positioning him for the Hulk smashing.

"NOOOOOO OH MY GOD!" screamed the hill jack as his insides were turned into goulash by the Hulk's pulsating member. Again and again he was penetrated, the Hulk's terrible cock destroyed the man's insides totally, bones and all.

"HULK FUCK YOU GOOD!" screamed Hulk in climax. The unfortunate man was blasted into the sky by the force of the incredible jizz, he flew through the air with blood and green glowing semen spewing from his every orifice. Where he ever landed the Hulk could not see and he returned to the mud puddle.

"Hulk come back for you!" he screamed. The Hulk again bounced away on his dick.

The Incredible Hulk crashed through the roof of a nearby bar after cock bouncing a few times. Using his mighty urges he stopped himself somehow and leapt over the bar counter.

"Hulk is mad now, want to fight!" he hollered. The bar was totally empty. That would not stop the Incredible Hulk. He grabbed a pair of bottles and began to drink, then smashed the bar counter in half with a casual stroke of his hulking dick.

"Splinters make Hulk horny!" said Hulk between drinks. Next, the Hulk started to smash items in the bar at random, with his dick mostly.

"Take that Magneto!" he yelled for some reasons. He broke a lamp then looked at it. While he was distracted by the lamp, a man came up behind Hulk with stealth. The man shot Hulk with some kind of orange darts. Hulk suddenly felt drunk and sleepy, so he searched for a rape victim to cuddle with. He was in luck. The man behind him was Morph.

"This is not going as planned" said Morph.

Several hours later, Bruce Banner awoke next to the mutilated body of Morph. They were lying on the floor of the crap shack, spooning.

"Not again" said Banner "How much longer must I endure this nightmare? Well, I guess I better bury you with the others over there"

Banner opened a secret panel on the crap shacks floor. He threw Morphs remains inside, being careful not to get any shit on himself.

"Good thing this was here" he thought to himself "I wonder where those other dead bodies down there came from, I do"

"Back to sciencing!" yelled Banner and booted up his computer.

"Where is my fucking monitor!" he then hollered angrily. "How can I do science without a monitor? This paper is due Wednesday!" Bruce was panicking because he's a little bitch like that. Dracula was standing right behind him, laughing but unseen. That's how Dracula does things.

"Well hell, now I must build an engine and attach it to some kind of frame to propel myself to Wal-Mart so I can buy a new monitor" said Banner to a nearby rat. "I'd better be stoned for this" mused the scientist. Banner looked around the crap shack for his bong.

"I must have left it upstairs" Banner stood up to check, but hit his head on the chandelier. "Why is this here, fuck!" he yelled. He angrily tore it down and threw it across the room, where it struck Dracula and killed him instantly.

"Oh here is my bong, by this dead vampire looking guy" said Banner a moment later. After smoking a few bowls he set to work on building an engine. First, he went into the kitchen and started eating ice-cream. Next, he constructed a rude man out of ice-cream and ate him. Finally, he went outside and built a plasma powered jet. Banner flew his new jet to the Wal-Mart to buy a monitor.

"Oh wow, I'm too stoned to be flying this" said Banner, giggling. "Where's the jet parking?"

Banner crashed his jet into the Wal-Mart, killing several and maiming a few.

"This doesn't seem right" said Banner amidst the smoking ruins of Wal-Mart. "I think electronics is over there" Banner tried to start his engine but it was exploded. So, he got out of the jet and a Wal-Mart cashier started yelling at him. Bruce didn't like that at all and his dick was getting angry.

"You're in terrible danger, stop yelling at me, please" he begged

"Sir you have killed several people here with this, wha-what the hell is this?!" yelled the belligerent old woman.

"I need office supplies woman, out of my way!" Banner punched the woman's face and fled to the arts & crafts section. There he constructed a ray gun out of hot glue, glitter, and pipe-cleaners. Next the brilliant scientist used the gun to blast away the stores shelving.

"Soon I will see the monitor section" he said.

Bruce blasted away the shelves he could see and a few ugly shoppers for good measure. At last he could see the electronics!  
Bruce walked over to them and began comparing specs.

"What the hell is a pixel?" he wondered

A group of various policemen had entered the store by this point and approached Bruce with guns.

"Lay down on the ground and stuff! We're cops!" they yelled

"Do you guys know anything about pixels?" asked the stoned scientist

These Kentucky police weren't having any of that though, and began to shoot Bruce Banner repeatedly.

"YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWWWW!" they hollered enthusiastically.

Bruce attempted to block their bullets with his death ray, but it wasn't very useful for that. Bullets went into his stomach and shoulders and dick.

"I deserve this" he thought

Bruce fell to the ground, blood pooling out in all directions. The police began to high five one another. One of them looked over at Bruce's corpse and said, "Does that feller' look green to y'all?"

Suddenly, Bruce's body exploded into motion. He cannonballed into the police, propelled by his mighty angry boner.

The cops were scattered in all directions like nine-pins, the incredible hulk continued flying through the air, through the remains of the roof of the Wal-Mart and into the sky.

From a nearby hill top, the ghost of Dracula observed his ascent into the heavens. "Soon I will have my revenge nephew" he said "Soon"

The hulk crashed down into a copse of trees, his dick obliterated a bird's nest on the way down.

"Hulk has no remorse!" he shouted while observing this.

Hulk rose from the ground and was confronted by a strange, yet somehow familiar figure.

"Hulk fuck you good!" yelled the hulk, charging the strange man. Yet as the hulk reached the man, he fell right through him! Hulk didn't fall over completely, as this was impossible with his great green kickstand genitalia. He leaned there on his dick and shouted, "Why I no can fuck you? Hulk is horny!"

"Yes I see that" said Dracula, looking perturbed.

Dracula wondered, not for the first time, if this was really worth his while. Technically he was already dead before he became a ghost, this wasn't really so much different or worse. Dracula missed drinking blood however. His need for it was gone, yet it had filled his existence with happiness. Now he was forced to pass the time watching daytime TV. No, the hulk would have to pay for what he had done.

"Hulk, I am your uncle" he said

"Hulk has limits!" yelled the hulk "Also, Hulk can't seem to fuck ghost man" he said, waving his pecker through Dracula's form.

"Stop that. You need help nephew, let me help you. Please come with me" said Dracula's ghost.

The Hulk was having his way with a nearby elm tree by this time and paid him no mind. Dracula was disgusted by the sound it was making, so he left.

"Hulk nature lover!" yelled the Hulk.

Later that day, Bruce Banner awoke on top of a pile of splinters.

Many splinters were still stuck in his dick and he was not happy.

"Ooohhh lord, it's finally happened" he said, cradling his mangled genitals. Bruce was afraid this day might come. He walked, bow-legged, back to the crap shack. When he opened the door, Dracula was standing there! He shouted:

"BLAGH! BLAGH!"

Banner simply looked at Dracula.

"That used to freak people out man. People are so jaded these days" said Dracula

"I don't have time for this, I need to find some tweezers or maybe a handgun!" said an irate Banner. He walked through Dracula's ghost and began rummaging around for tweezers.

"Fucking tweezers, never can find them when I need them, where the hell?" said Banner to himself vaguely as he searched.

"I'm the ghost of Dracula and I'm your uncle" said Dracula

"Did you use up all the dick ointment? Oh man, ouch, fuck this hurts. OK, um, uncle Dracula, will you please help me look for the fucking tweezers?"

This wasn't really the reaction Dracula had expected. Nevertheless he pushed on with his nefarious scheme.

"I think I saw the tweezers downstairs in my secret lair where I ki-, uh er, kiss people" said Dracula

"I don't want that" said Banner

"I know, I don't know why I said that" said Dracula

"Well, are the tweezers down there?" said Banner, looking anxious.

"Yes, certainly, I have a variety actually"

"Well let's fucking go man! Look at my dick!"

"I'd rather not" said Dracula "Let's just go"

Dracula slid aside a nearby bookcase to reveal a bare wall. He began feeling along it.

"Your secret room is over there" said Banner, pointing to an open doorway "I found it yesterday, when the cable guy came"

They went down into Dracula's lair. They had barely crossed the door when Dracula stabbed Banner in the neck with a sharpened spoon. Then he got his biggest pair of tweezers (he really did have quite a collection) and quickly yanked off Banner's dick. The scientist screamed and gurgled, choking on his own blood. He died in agony there on the floor and then Dracula tortured his dead body for some reason.

_The End_


End file.
